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Letter from Brendan's Mom
I am so pleased and proud that Kid Works has asked me to write a short piece on my son, Brendan Kelly, who is now an employee there. As a little background on Brendan, from the age of two, we knew that something was amiss. He had sensory integration issues, ADHD, was often angry and physically violent and was very mercurial in his moods. He only later received a diagnosis of Aspergers, high-functioning autism.
When I look at everything Kid Works has to offer, I wish that such a wonderful, integrated place existed when Brendan was younger. Twenty years ago, our family had to separately seek out special schools, psychiatrists, psychologists, behavioral experts, psychopharmacologists and a myriad of types of therapy for Brendan. His life as a child was so very difficult, particularly socially, with the communication and expressive language disorders he had, as well the learning disabilities that frustrated him so terribly at school. At one point we had to go to a psychiatric facility to try to pinpoint what Brendan’s true diagnoses were and to get him on a very specialized medication regimen. That helped, even though the behavioral problems when we returned home were still momentous. It also turned out that the primary diagnosis he received, indicating a far more serious mental illness, thankfully did not turn out to be the case. Only through tremendous perseverance on the part of his parents and family – and Brendan himself – were we able to steer Brendan upon the path best for him, never really being sure that we were doing the right thing. That is one thing that I am certain all parents who have children with disabilities know: these children do not come with manuals and you have to rely upon your instincts and your absolute faith that you know your child better than anyone else when forced to make difficult choices and decisions.
Somehow we made it through the very few special schools available in Houston until Brendan was in high school. At that point, he just shut down. He became very depressed and angry, acted out at school and at home and in addition to the serious difficulties he experienced, our home life was a disaster. Brendan attended a school called Riverview in Massachusetts, which I believe was the beginning of his real positive development, even though it was the hardest thing in the world to let him leave home. The focus at Riverview was on having Brendan live up to his highest potential, to learn the social skills necessary to get along with his peers and family, and to challenge his considerable intellectual abilities. Life was still difficult for him, but he began to make real progress.
After a few years there, we brought him to Fredericksburg, Texas, where we now live. Brendan had progressed to the point where he was functioning very well and he spent a year with us. He lived in an apartment with a lot of assistance, which ultimately proved to be too much for him after a period of time, but he did have the experience that today has led him to be adamant that at some point he wants to be totally independent. He also had a job at a friend’s restaurant while in Fredericksburg and that was fabulous. He learned that he was very good at inventory and after a few months, stocked and learned about all of the wines being served in the restaurant. Most importantly, he learned to get himself back and forth to work, the importance of being a good employee and – the best part – that he loved to work and get a paycheck! This was entirely new for him and prepared him for the wonderful life and training he has received at Marbridge, where he now lives.
He is a completely different person today. He is no longer violent, has learned to control annoyance and anger by giving himself “time outs” where he goes off and collects himself, and is one of the happiest people I know. Now that he is on the right medications – after twenty years of that journey – he is who we always knew he was deep in his heart: an affectionate, loving, hard-working young man with a deep desire to be a productive, independent person.
As his mother, I would like to give every encouragement I can to you parents of special needs children. Never give up! Never stop advocating for your child! There is hope at the end of the tunnel. Brendan has far exceeded any of our dreams for him and is a poster child for what is possible, despite the dire predictions that he would never be able to accomplish even a fraction of what he can today.
I am so proud of him. Every day he gets up at 4:30 a.m. to get to work on time; loves the wonderful people and children he works with; and is so proud of his performance that he has his paychecks emailed to us so that he can see how much of his own earnings he has decided to contribute to his tuition at Marbridge in his continuing efforts to grow into the independent man he has become.
Thank you for the opportunity to let you know about my very special son.
Antoinette van Heugten